Every week the Writing Adventure Group takes on a writing challenge to get the creative juices flowing. I’m finding it great so far and the following is my take on this week’s theme: ripples.
Sheriff Kendra Wattinger looked in the rear-view mirror and adjusted her hat before taking a deep breath and stepping out of the cruiser. The coroner and one of her oldest friends, Dick Thompson was already at the scene, crouched next to the body. He struggled to lift the body. Recently he’d been troubled by unexplained upper-body weakness. Jared Drake, one of her deputies, stood by him taking notes. Immediately she noticed he wasn’t wearing shoe covers, but a dead state trooper trumped what would have otherwise been a very public ass kicking and lecture on crime scene protocol. His infraction would be noted at his next performance review. In any case, as soon as he saw her Jared ran back to his cruiser and returned with his boots properly cover.
“Morning Sheriff,” he said, not looking her in the eye. His voice cracked and whistled like an old radio set. “Morning.”
Dick looked up at her and smiled. If she hadn’t known him better she would have thought he was on the verge of tears, but that was how he always looked—a man ready to cry. He joked about getting an eyelift to look less mournful.
“Any idea of cause here Dick?” she asked.
“Looks like trooper Warren was hit by a .45 calibre.” The coroner ran his hand a long the trooper’s shoulder. “He was hit here and in the neck. Probably died instantly.”
Two state trooper vehicles arrived at the scene, the troopers approached their dead colleague quickly, taking off their hats as they strode swiftly through the tall grass. They greeted Kendra brusquely and then spoke to Dick and Jared. Kendra walked off towards the edge of the woods, scanning the brush for movement, wondering if the killer was watching or had fled. She was already under pressure to take outside assistance on this case and now with a dead state trooper on her head, she wasn’t going to have much of a choice.
Nice, Rachel. I could see all these stony faced professionals mostly unaffected by anything except “The Boss”. Good job.
Comment by Sue O'Shields — May 22, 2010 @ 4:36 pm
Well written and a good take on the theme, showing how this death affects the lives of the living as well as their actions whilst carrying out their duties.
Comment by Melanie Trevleyan — May 23, 2010 @ 9:45 pm
This piece was short and to the point. Getting into the thick of the problem wasn’t a long time coming and we were thrust into the action.
From reading the last line, I get the impression that there is more going on than a dead trooper. If she was under pressure to take on outside help and a dead trooper added to it, I’m curious as to what the case involves.
Good work. Thanks for sharing.
Comment by Walt — May 24, 2010 @ 1:27 pm
What I really like about this is how there are so many people having an effect on each other, and not one central person sending out waves… the corpse affects the detective, the detective affects the deputy, the pain affects her friend… and so on. Really intricate and well done!
Comment by India Drummond — May 24, 2010 @ 2:29 pm
Some nice touches to the narrative here. My favourite being the description of Dick’s eyes – kind of fitting for a coroner to always look on the verge of tears.
Comment by Dan Powell — May 24, 2010 @ 5:38 pm
A coroner’s eyes should look like that, come to think of it. That was a great detail. I’m touched and disturbed by the anti-female subtext, an appropriate response I guess for die-hard feminist Me.
Excellent layering of a few hundred words. Bravo.
Comment by Girl Fren' — May 25, 2010 @ 8:19 pm
Come to think of it, a coroner’s eyes should look like that. Nice detail. I also appreciated the anti-female subtext. Nice layering in a few hundred words. Bravo.
Comment by Girl Fren' — May 25, 2010 @ 8:21 pm